I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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