the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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