I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
