I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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