I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
