D3 body, D1 cock
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is it because I queefed?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
