I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize