it hurts more in the daytime
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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