Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
