Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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