I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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