I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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