Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
