He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
