I don't usually arrange sex via text message
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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