he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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