I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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