**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
