his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
