No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
