Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
