Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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