I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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