I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
