ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
birth control should be required to get into college
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
