Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize