you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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