Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
