Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
