He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's not a walk of shame if you run
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
