The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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