we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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