Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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