Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
