Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
