Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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