just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
