Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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