I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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