I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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