So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
