How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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