theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
