I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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