she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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