Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
