how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Sober January is a disaster.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
