Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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