bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
