What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
