I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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