the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
