I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I need moral support for this bender
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
