I only kidnapped one of them. chill
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
