Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
