This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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