got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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