I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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