Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
But theres a keg here and me gusta
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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