Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
