I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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