i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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