she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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