oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
