dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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