So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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