Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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