overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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