I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
