yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
