I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
