I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize