with your own penis?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
